That was just plain weird!

Being an English teacher in Thailand means you get asked to do all sorts of things from getting students ready for speech competitions, fixing documents for the Thai teachers, teaching the Police English to being a judge at Regional and National English Competitions

This week I was asked to do the latter (again) and judge an English competition. Normal right? That’s what I thought…. I braced myself for two days of the same speech over and over and over again….

The first difference from before was it was competition for Vocational Collage Students so all the contestants were 18-20 years old…. a slight change to my usual 10year olds! Another difference was the fact that it was not just a speech but a demonstration where they had to show how to do something in English.

It started of quite normally with the first contestant showing how to make fruit punch, but after the first girl things just got weird….

Contestant number 2…. an extremely camp 19year old.

“Hello you beautiful ladies and gentlemen… today I am going to show you how to make a tuna sandwich” Que jazz hands, songs and the campest tuna sandwich making I’ve ever witnessed. He even turned spreading the butter into some sort of show humming in time to the knife gliding along the bread. It was actually hilarious to watch and I was trying my best to not laugh however with his constant jazz hands and sing songs I just couldn’t help myself!

Contestant number 5…. a lady boy comes onto stage “Helllllllllllo ladies and gentlemen I am going to show you how to look beautiful like me!!” He then proceeded to give a demonstration on how to put make up on…. using himself as the model all the time winking at the audience, calling himself beautiful and kissing the mirror. With the speech ending “I look beautiful now don’t I?! MWAH!”

Contestant number 8…. a lovely girl walks onto stage with a big smile, a bottle of Samsong (Thai rum) and some gin. “Today my demonstration is going to show you how to make a cocktail!!” She made the cocktail pretty normally if you exclude the strange dance she did to mix the drink together. Next came out three glasses which were then brought to the 3 judges and told to drink….. it would have been much nicer if it wasn’t half ten in the morning!!!

Contestant number 11…. Another ladyboy…. “Ladies and gentlemen I am going to show you how to make some sexy papaya salad!!!”

Then possibly my favorite contestant…. number 16. A boy walks out on stage and tells us “I fix tyre” I don’t know how else to describe this ‘speech’ other than “silent”. He spoke about 10 words throughout the whole speech!! Then trying to get the inner tube back into the tyre proved to be very difficult…. after 3 minutes (The speeches were to last 5-7 min and he was already on 5 by this point) he took the tyre, put it on the ground behind the demonstration table on the stage so he was completely hidden from the audience and judges . For the next 5 minutes (not an exaggeration) we sat to the sound of grunts coming off his microphone as he tried in vain to get the inner tube in. With the moving table and the grunts me and the other judges couldn’t contain ourselves and were all teary eyed from trying our best not to laugh. After 13 minutes of his ‘speech’ he stood up, held the tyre up so we could see and said ‘thank you’…. I think he missed the point of a ‘speech’ competition!!

And with that it was over!! A very very very strange strange day!!!

Myself and fellow judge Hayden with the winner and his mum


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